Bodhi is a sweet little (if you can call 22 pounds little) kitty born in March, 1994. He was named after a strange character in a horrid post-apocalyptic movie I watched in the mid 80's called "Solarbabies" (by horrid I mean a really crappy movie). I took "Hinduism and Buddhism" to satisfy a religion requirement in college and learned that they misprounced it as "BO-die" instead of the real "BO-dee" so his name is as it appeared in the movie. Sue me :) It's actually a Buddhist term meaning "wakefulness" or "enlightenment." Anyway, the movie had a young deaf boy named Daniel who was befriended by a strange being named "Bodhi" who helped him regain his hearing and find water in the desert-wasteland that was Earth. I kinda connected with it since I was a strange child myself (are you shocked?) and Bodhi the cat was my new friend. He didn't help me find water or regain my hearing, but he was still my buddy :)

Bodhi's life was very cat-like until he began drinking a LOT of water and turning the litter box to mud. He also lost down to about 12 pounds (from 20 to 12 - almost half his weight)! We took him to the vet where he was diagnosed with diabetes (yes, cats can develop diabetes). We started him on a treatment of 2 shots of Humulin insulin a day and took his blood sugar levels regularly to see if it was reducing the glucose any. After it seemed to have little effect in controlling his diabetes, the doctor switched us to Humulin-U (ultra-lente or slow-acting) just in case it was peaking quickly and not sustaining itself through the day. After trying that, it seemed to do just as little as the regular Humulin. We asked the doctor to switch to something we had been researching online called PZI (Protamine Zinc Insulin). He didn't seem to want to even listen to us and wanted us to continue using the Humulin even though it made no immediate difference (and should have).

After looking for doctors in the area who were versed in treating diabetes, we found one right down the street. We consulted Dr. Marisol Marrero who couldn't have been a better doctor for Bodhi and she readily agreed to prescribe the PZI. Since the product had been removed from the market in favor of the Humulin insulins, we had to sign release papers to order a supply of it from a research company who was conducting a study to try to reinstate its use for animal science (in the past, most insulin used in humans was a derivitave of pig and cattle insulin. Since then, research was done to create human insulins from genetically-modified yeast and the the porcine/bovine (NPH) insulins were no longer used). Later, we discovered that Central Pharmacy in Durham was able to compound the insulin for us without the research study so we started ordering it from Central Pharmacy in 3-month supplies. Not only was this cheaper and closer to home, it was mixed in a different titration and we were able to ditch the big 40-U syringes and use the smaller, more readily-availble 100-U syringes for the cat's comfort. By Dr. Marrero listening to and working with us (with her history of treating several diabetic animals) we were able to gain control of Bodhi's blood sugar levels and continued with the two-shot-a-day treatment.

Because of this schedule, we could not leave him alone at home while we traveled for work (at the time I was traveling extensively around the country and regularly to Puerto Rico). We took Bodhi with us to Memphis (TN), Greenville (MS) and New Orleans (LA) because we couldn't leave him alone at home. We tried a pet-sitting service, but ended up getting the most psychotic person on the face of the planet to watch him. Never again will we call "Katherine the Pet Nanny" to come near our house :) Later, we found that the spouse of one of our company directors was a nurse and she offered to watch him after the bad experience with Katherine. Donna, you did us a huge favor by taking care of Bodhi and Karma for two weeks while we were away in training!

After using the PZI for more than two years without incident, Bodhi suffered two seizures while Tim and Mandy (brother-in-law and his fiance) were visiting. I'm glad they were here (beyond having them here visiting) because we would have otherwise been at work and it was Tim's dog, Chief, who alerted us to the fact that something was wrong with the cat; Bodhi would have died otherwise. After we got him revived from a low-blood sugar induced seizure (with the help of the Nutri-Cal we rubbed onto his gums), we sampled his blood glucose level. After many teaspoons of almost pure sugar, Bodhi's glucose level was 23 and peaked at 29 a few minutes later (normal for a cat is 120-130 - Bodhi's before being controlled was 400+)! We rushed him to the vet when he became lethargic again and on the way kept feeding him the Nutri-Cal. Once at the vet, we had him back out of his second seizure and Dr. Beagle force-fed him glucose until we were sure he was stable.

Since that day (I'll see if I can dig out the exact date), Bodhi has not needed another drop of synthetic insulin!

Unfortunately, sometime early January, 2002 (7th?) I found three small lumps on Bodhi's right side around one of the sites where we injected his insulin. There have been links to malignant sarcomas from the adjuvant used in vaccinations, but nothing reported around insulin injection sites (I learned later that it has everything to do with the vaccines and nothing to do with any insulin administration). We took him to the vet for examination. Dr. Meghan Tayloe attempted to aspirate the lumps in an effort to identify the sample of cells, but she was unable to get much out of them (Dr. Marrero has since moved on to pursue more noble adventures in Durham, so she was unavailable for the surgery. I did manage to track her down and get a couple opinions, tho). Surgery was scheduled for January 16 to excise the tumors. It went well and Dr. Tayloe was able to remove the masses easily as they were only subcutaneous and not yet attached to his body wall. They have been sent for pathology and we wait for the results. In the meantime, he's home recovering and will be on antibiotics for the next week or so.

Here are some pictures taken the evening of January 16th of his incision. We have to keep him away from the other cats (Karma and Darth), so we have isolated him to the guest bedroom for the next two or three days as he heals. He seems to want to get out of the room and run around the house, so I don't believe he's in much pain. We still need to keep the other two cats from licking the wound or playing with him so he doesn't rip himself open. He also needs to rest and heal.

Shaved side. He looks like he's whincing in pain, but he's just squinting from the flash :)
Close up of staples (no flash).
Close up of staples (flash).

January 24, 2002 - Dr. Tayloe called with the results of the pathology report. It's good news and bad news. The good news is that the mass sent for pathology has "clean margins" indicating the cells making up the tumor were not found in the edges of the fat that were cut out around it. This indicates that the entire tumor was excised cleanly leaving none of its cells inside Bodhi. The bad news is that the cells of the tumor are a high grade fibrosarcoma or a very aggressive cancer. Dr. Tayloe spoke with the reporting pathologist and was told that her own cat had this very same cancer and went through two surgeries (the second after her own pathology reported the margins of the excised tumor were not clean). After the second resection, her own cat has been alive for 10 years without problem. The flip-side of that story is that other reports of this type of cancer have a 50% recurrence rate and does not necessarily show up on the same site as the original tumor (although fibrocarcomas aren't supposed to metastasis in other parts of the body - go figure). We will just have to wait and examine Bodhi regularly to see if any more tumors form. I don't know what we'll do if we find anything else since this last lump seemed to form and grow so large within a couple weeks. I just hope we don't have to make that decision!

May 13, 2002 - I found a lump in Bodhi's side shortly after the surgery. I took him back for an exam and Dr. Tayloe assured me it was scar tissue from the internal sutures she used. I consulted another vet in Cary who said the same thing, but also recommended radiation treatment just as a precaution and to ensure that any spindle cells left were erradicated. I had to opt out of the surgery when I found out it would involve a treatment a day for 10 days (having to drive to Raleigh each trip) and would be over $1200. In the meantime, I kept monitoring the lump and it didn't seem to be getting any larger. Finally convinced it was scar tissue, I slacked off on checking it. When I did another palpation last week, I found the lump had definitely grown and immediately called to schedule another visit. Dr. MacDonald completed Bodhi's second surgery with a more radical margin (deeper tissue removal) to remove the lump. We'll see what happens from here.

May 17, 2002 - We kept Bodhi isolated from the other cats a few days just to let him rest and finally released him to the pack. Darth immediately jumped him wanting to play, but Bodhi let him know quickly he was not in the mood for rough housing and Darth backed off. The antibiotics seem to be disgusting to him this time (last time he voluntarily licked the dropper as I dripped them out for him -- this time, he's quite visibly disgusted by them and makes a "medicine face" just like a kid would :). He seems to be doing fine otherwise, but it has me concerned that it has been almost 4 months to the day and most of what I've read say that cats will remain "tumor free" for 4 months between lumpectomies. Again, we'll wait and monitor his progress. Here is a view of the second incision.

Second Surgery (you can see the old scar vertically extending down from the top. I'll try to get better pix)

October 1 thru December 6, 2002 - Once again, Bodhi has returned to the status of diabetic and his tumors have reappeared, growing quickly. The cost-prohibitive treatment for his cancer (consultation with the veterinarian oncology department at NC State estimates between $5,000 and $8,000 total), the quick return of the lump and now the return of the diabetes has put us into hospice mode. He seems to be happy and shows only a slight protection of his tumor (and no sign of pain except when you poke at it) so as long as he continues to play/fight with his little brother and big sister, running through the house like wild panthers on the hunt, I can only try my best to make what's left of his life as comfortable as I can. He looks a bit tired at times and is still drinking a bit of water, so I'm not quite sure I have him regulated yet.

I started his insulin at 8 units 2x per day (down from 13 when I stopped long ago), but in less than a month, I'm already back up to 10 in an attempt to regulate him. His glucose levels are not dropping below 300 mg/dl in my spot checks of his blood, but I haven't had time to run a full curve on him to see where it bottoms out. Near the end of November, I have slowly increased it back to the 13 units every 12 hours (this is the 100u measurement with the PZI from Central Pharmacy again, and not the 40u with the big honkin' syringes I used to order from the vet).

As a point of reference for anyone who cares or is looking to do the same for an animal, one vial of insulin has lasted me from October 10 until December 7 (and that's not a really good guestimate as I was increasing it through the life of the vial) and two vials cost me $80.25. Don't forget to include the cost of standard insulin syringes, the cost of the Hill's Science Diet W/D cat food, etc, etc, etc... :)

I also spoke with my "more local" vet (Bodhi has seen 5 different doctors in the last year) about the tumor. She said that she wouldn't even operate without the benefit of the radiation since they have a tendancy to grow back -- and we have a history of quick recurrence in this particular cat. She said eventually the tumor will grow and possibly break open and drain. If/when this happens, and maybe even before, I'm afraid I'll have to say goodbye to my buddy for good.

(Dates unknown... will have to get back to you on the rest of this later)... After a few more months of dealing with the diabetes, Bodhi, once again, crashed. I took him to the vet in town (who shall remain nameless so I can avoid a lawsuit for the next few statements). I brought him back out of it with the standard emergency treatment of 50% sugar water being squirted down his throat and rubbing his gums with NutriCal. I called ahead and let them know I was coming, so when I arrived, I was taken right in. The doctor got the clinic's glucometer and found that the test strips were all gone. She didn't seem to know what to do except curse the nurses for not restocking them. I asked what kind of meter it was and if the pharmacy right next door might have some. She said something close to "Yeah, they might have some." I waited for her to send someone next door, looking at her the whole time waiting for her to finish my thought. Finally I said "Oh, for Christ's sake - give me the damned meter!" and went next door to buy some. She made no move to stop me. When I came back, she made no offer to reimburse me, so I explained that the pharmacist was informed of the situation and just gave them to me and is expecting payment from the clinic at their convenience (thank you, pharmacist!). I loved the look on her face :)

They kept Bodhi that day and put him on IV's to bring his levels back to "normal" (for him). I also inquired about the size of his tumor and asked what might happen when this eventually outgrows its host. She said that it will just break open and drain and we can treat it when that bridge needs to be burned.

It didn't take long for that fire to be lit. Within the next couple days, Bodhi's side split open, revealing the grey mass underneath and unleashing a really nasty odor. I took him back to the same vet (stupidly) who assured me that there was no infection and what I needed to do was to get something called "Liquid Bandage" and keep applying it to seal up the wound for as long as I felt it was necessary and that she did this for her own dog for a long time after a similar thing happened to her. I was starting to think this woman shouldn't have been granted a medical degree to practice even on animals. I took him home and bandaged him up trying to decide what our options were at that point, knowing full well this was probably the end.

We called an emergency clinic in Durham later that night when his side continued to split open wider and ooze smelly goo. The receptionist assured us they could remove the tumor that night (of course we knew it would just return, but we took him anyway just to extend our time with him a little more). The doctor wasn't pleased to hear us explain this when we arrived and tracked down the receptionist via phone (she had already gone home by the time we arrived) so there would never be such a misunderstanding again. Ever. He explained to us that they could call a doctor in to do the surgery for some exhorbitant fee, but he recommended contacting another vet to see if he would take the case. In the meantime, he cleaned up the wound and cleaned out some of the infection (the same infection that the other doctor didn't think existed). He then called Dr. Mark McKisson at home that night and he agreed to see Bodhi the next morning. Dr. McKisson of the Carver Street Animal Hospital in Durham turned out to be a fantastic doctor worthy of my admiration for his attentive nature and caring attitude! He saw us the next morning and performed the surgery without hesitation. He got as much of the tumor as he possibly could and sent us home with everything we needed to start the healing process -- he even called us that night at 10pm asking how things were going! Again, drawing my praise as a very concerned and caring human.

Bodhi's wound healed in time, from the inside out. We had to end up washing out the hole in the center of the surgery site twice a day when the stitches were removed (because of the amount of tissue that had to be removed along with the tumor, the skin ended up being stitched together in a "star" shape, radiating out from the open center). I didn't mind taking care of my buddy and spent the next few weeks in ritualistic cleanings that he didn't seem to mind, either. In fact, it was almost as if he knew we were somehow helping him and just let it happen. I'm sure he HAD to know the tumor was magically gone and we were washing the hole that remained, but I may just be putting human cognition into the animal being without warrant... but I like to believe he understood somehow.

Bodhi's tumor, of course, regrew just as we knew it would. Very quickly. By July, it was already larger than it had ever been. On the evening of August 1, it broke open again. I had come to accept that when it happened again, there would be nothing more we could do for him. I called the vet clinic in Durham and left a very hard message for me to leave -- asking for them to call me as early as they arrived so we could stop the poor guy from suffering any more. I bandaged him as best as I could manage to keep him comfortable that night and hated to even think about the morning.

When we arrived there the morning of August 2, we were taken right in to a room. Dr. McKisson asked us to sign the paperwork allowing them to humanely euthenize Bodhi and let us have a few final moments alone with him. When he came back in, I asked if I could hold him while they did the procedure. I leaned over the table and wrapped my arm around him, resting his head on the inside of my left elbow, as he did every night when he would go to bed with me. The doctor inserted a syringe into his right rear leg and I knew there were a precious few more moments I would hear him purring. I stroked his head and cried the whole time. When I heard Dr. McKisson remove his stethescope and whisper "He's gone..." I lost it and sobbed as I held my buddy's limp body. The doctor and nurse left us along again with him.

Bodhi's body was placed in a plastic bag and then put inside a cardbord "casket" for us to inter. We showed his body to the other cats before completing the final ceremony. I don't know why -- I thought maybe they would understand but they don't seem to be self aware enough to understand death. They sniffed at him a little bit, but didn't seem interested one way or the other. I had thought ahead, as morbid as it sounds, and pre-dug his grave a few weeks prior. I knew it would happen in the coming weeks and knew I wouldn't be up to the task when it happened. I covered it with plastic and weighted it down with rocks and didn't look at it again until it was time for it to serve its purpose. I picked up his body from the box and held it, wanting to feel him tensen up and lift his head one more time and look at me... of course it couldn't happen, so I laid him in his final resting place after closing the bag over his head. It about killed me to throw the first shovel full of dirt. I held it for what seemed like an eternity and broke down as I let it slide from the end and into the hole, hearing it hit the plastic that contained the mortal remains of my little buddy. I forced myself to continue until he was completely covered and the hole was filled.

Melissa was very supportive the entire time, but seemed more distraught over my anguish. I guess I just let it affect me way too much, but I have never been so close to an animal as I was with Bodhi... and probably never will be again. I came to terms with 'killing my friend' by thinking that I didn't kill him -- I killed the horrible thing that did. I know I took great care of that cat for the 9 years he was with us. More so than probably anyone else I know would have cared for an animal. I guess that's why it was so hard to let go. It seems the only way we truly know what love is, is to lose something we love dearly.

We have an X-10 home automation light switch in the foyer by our back door. It never suffered from any "misfirings" until Bodhi passed. It will occassionally turn itself on, but never off. While I know it's just electrical disturbances in the line, I like it because it makes me think that Bodhi is just stopping by to say "hi" once in a while and is letting me know his life light is still shining in me. Melissa asked me to replace the switch with a normal one, but I don't think so.

Thanks for reading and for taking the time to let me share my experiences with you.